Ask the Coach: The Couple That Runs Together Stays Together...right?

Q: I've been a runner for a little while and my partner has expressed interest in joining me on some of my runs. Is this a good idea? I thought I could give some pointers since I'm a veteran runner. Thoughts?

A: I'm not a life coach or a therapist or anything but I feel pretty comfortable answering this question and others that relate to it since I have experienced this situation first-hand. Let me be clear: my partner is loving and wonderful and patient and kind and I'm not quite sure how he puts up with me at times. I love him very much and enjoy his company. We are both very athletic people with a love for all things active and outdoors. He is actually running his first marathon this Fall-hooray! Lucky him, right??, to have an excellent coach and trainer at his disposal...mmm hmmm...

I will probably not ever again in my life run another step with him. We've tried, God knoooows we've tried, but that just 'ain't gonna happen, folks. He's 6'2", I'm 5'9". My torso is as long as his and his legs go up to my ribs. I take 1.5 steps for every 1 of his. I have run 7 marathons, he's run mostly with the military on forced "humps." We are oil and water when it comes to running styles, too. I am a pace person. That is, I run a very consistent pace every single mile, with the exception of the last few miles when I try like hell to speed up a little bit. He, on the other hand, speeds up to pass the next person in front of him and then slows back down. He spots another person, speeds up to pass and then slows back down. He thinks I'm half-stepping him, I think he's holding back to amuse and patronize me.

The point is that we are excellent life partners, but lousy running buddies. We bicker about where to turn as we head to the Park, what route we should take, how far we should go, what exercises he's not doing to adequately maintain his running strength, our speed, our splits, and on and on and on and on...it's just not for us. By the end of the run, we are snippy with one another and neither of us has had a very mentally or physically fulfilling workout. I envy the couples I see, jogging along in the Park together while discussing their dinner plans for later that evening. But I've come to grips with the fact that we are not that couple and never will be.

Give it a go, but be aware of the signs that you and your partner may not be "running-buddy compatible." If you find yourself compromising the majority of your runs in order to stay with your partner, be it going too slow or too fast, you may consider finding a partner who runs more at your pace. If you find that you or your partner puts on the I.K.E. (I Know Everything) Coach hat, maybe it's time to find a group to run with so as to avoid being "that guy" on every run. If your partner is constantly bombarding you with questions about how he/she should be training and you'd prefer a quieter run, go out by yourself more often. If you find yourself resenting your partner for going slower/faster, turning too late/too soon, speeding up and slowing down when it doesn't exactly suit your fancy, or if you are just plain nasty to one another during runs, please, for the health of your own relationship, seek out a different running partner.

If you are the couple that runs harmoniously in the Park, on the River and over the Bridges together, just know that I am jealous. I am jealous, but I am not insane. So, good for you and keep going and you're so lucky!, but I am not going to keep on trying to be you. I am going to run by myself, with a friend or in a group--far, far away from my amazing, attractive, selfless partner. I will meet him at the end with a Gatorade and a high-five.

Just because you aren't perfect running partners doesn't mean you aren't perfect life partners.

Run hard, friends! See you in Brooklyn (I'll be at Cortelyou Road-left side, cheering you on!)

Coach Abby